It’s the first day of May and that means that it’s time to name the Jack-Ass of the previous month. This time picking a name was no problem, as Jesse James has already made himself a serious contender in the Jack-Ass of the Year category for 2010.
So why is Mr. James such as jackass?
1) He wears overalls
Sure, wearing overalls alone is not enough to make you a jack-ass. But when you’re a hefty watery-eyed over-the-hillbilly who cheats on his wife, it does count as a serious strike against you.
2) He cheats on his faithful wife
Dude we get it. You didn’t get any attention from the womenfolk growing up (with the exception of maybe a female cousin.) But you were lucky enough to marry a beautiful, talented, and classy woman. This is spite of the fact that you look like an in-bred gorilla-pig. And you cheat on her when you are trying to adopt a baby with her? Really?
3) He Thinks Pretending to be a Nazi is Cool/Funny
So was he or wasn’t he joking around in this picture?
Our verdict is: WHO CARES??!! Dressing up as a freaking Nazi and making Hail Hitler signs for a picture is never going to be funny.
Haha Jesse! Millions of people were discriminated against, robbed of their possessions and careers, required to go into hiding, separated from their families, starved, experimented on, forced to watch their loved ones marched into gas chambers and then murdered.
We only wish that Jack-Ass of the month were named something infinitely viler to match the new standard in yuck-gross that you have set.
4) He is the least hot Jesse James in history:
And the final reason that Jesse is the jackass of the month is that he has lowered the hotness bar when it comes to peeps who have proudly born the J-James moniker in the past.
Exhibit A: Even the real Jesse James who looks suspiciously like the Fantastic Mr. Fox is hotter than you.
Exhibit B: Brad Pitt played Jesse James adding a new level of hotness and finally making that Cher song make some kind of sense.
Exhibit C: You muck it up and even the strength of Arm and Hammer can’t hide the stinky-poo stench.
